There are so many potential behavioural issues connected with the Tween and Teen years. Included in this section are stress and depression and a number of helpful weblinks and contacts should you need them.
The Tween Years
What happened to your angel? When the dreaded tween years arrive, you may suddenly find yourself dealing with backchat, lying and attitude - not to mention strange new music and fashion. Follow these discipline tips for children aged 7-12.
A calm approach works best. Don’t over-react or give it too much attention. Think about your example.
When you have to insist on a rule, give reasons, but remain firm.
Natural consequences can be useful. If he doesn’t do his homework, he will be in trouble at school.
Humour can work well for this age group. If children are whining, you can join in with a silly voice. “I don’t want to go to work either – let’s stay and play all day!”
Use Rewards. Hugs and praise, a special outing, a DVD rental or a favourite meal are all good ways of showing your appreciation of good behaviour.
Put sanctions in place - but only for serious misbehaviour. You could take away treasured possessions for a time, or suspend privileges and pocket money.
Positive discipline is really essential.
Give the most attention to good behaviour you want to encourage, and ignore minor misbehaviour as much as possible. It's also a good idea to avoid harsh punishments, and only use sanctions (such as 'grounding') for serious misbehaviour.
Top ten tips for tween discipline
1. Understand your child will want to test out his independence. Answering back or disobeying can often be a way of demonstrating this, and showing he has a mind of his own. Encourage as much independence as possible, even if it involves some risks – children need to learn by their own mistakes.
2. Work at reflective listening - feeding back what you’ve been told and not leaping in with your own judgments.
3. Use specific praise, describing exactly what it is being given for.
4. Consistent rules are still needed, but keep reviewing rules and changing them as your child grows.
5. Don’t give too many orders – these can overwhelm children. Explain why some things have to be, but listen to their views. If you have to overrule, explain that until they are more mature, there are some decisions you must make for them.
6. Stay calm and avoid arguments as much as possible.
7. Keep criticisms to a minimum - and only criticise behaviour, not your child.
8. Good communication at any age is an essential parenting skill. Children need you to understand how they are feeling, and to listen to their views – this helps build self-esteem.
9. Try to avoid sarcasm, blaming and put-downs.
10. Remember, children this age still learn most by example – they are bound to imitate what they see parents do. The best way to have children do what you want is to demonstrate it, not order them to do it!
Teenagers
Stress & Depression
Most people, occasionally feel low so don’t be surprised as your child grows if they also start to experience these feelings too. As a child’s awareness of their surroundings grow and their understanding of their place in the world, the confusion that they experience as they try to make sense of it all can result in periods of sadness.
This sadness is normal and a vital part of growing up and coping with life’s experiences, however when these feelings continue, or dominate and interfere with everyday life, it can become depression. Depression affects 2 in every 100 children under 12 years old, and 5 in every 100 teenagers*.
Common Signs
In isolation none of the following common signs would point to an individual suffering from depression, however a combination of these would point to the illness and professional advice should be sought:
§ Continually moody and irritable - easily upset, `ratty' or tearful
§ Becoming withdrawn - avoiding friends, family and regular activities
§ Feeling guilty or bad, being self-critical and self-blaming and loathing
§ Feeling unhappy, miserable and lonely
§ Feelings of worthlessness and wanting to die
§ Difficulty in concentrating
§ Not looking after personal appearance
§ Changes in sleep pattern: sleeping too little or too much
§ Tiredness and lack of energy
§ Changes in appetite
§ Frequent minor health problems, such as headaches or stomach-aches
§ Not enjoying things anymore
Causes & Consequences
Events or personal experiences can be a trigger to depression and these can include family breakdown, a bereavement, neglect, abuse (sexual, physical or mental), bullying and or illness. Depression can also be triggered by rapid hormonal changes, though teenagers do tend to suffer from mood swings and irritability it can make a judgement on whether they are being a “normal” teenager or suffering from depression requiring expert treatment and support.
Young people are more likely to become depressed if they are put under a lot of stress, with no outlet to share or vent their worries or frustrations. A lack practical support to cope can also add to the risk.
Some depression can run on for many years and effect not only the educational and career prospects of an individual, but can preclude them from having a family, and sometimes tragically it can result in suicide even in pre –teen children. In an effort to cope young people can often act in that cause problems, e.g.:
- Use of alcohol or other drugs;
- developing eating disorders either bulimia or anorexia
- often hurts other people, destroys property, or breaks the law;
Biological factors
Some families may be genetically predisposed to depression and it seems to be more common in girls and women compared to boys.
Depression seems to be linked with chemical changes in the part of brain that controls mood. These changes prevent normal functioning of the brain and cause many of the symptoms of depression.
Self Help
Sharing a problem with a trusted person who can empathise you can help immeasurably and lighten the burden. Talking also helps to sort out issues creating the stress which might be the cause of the depression. If a third party can often see anothers situation so much more clearly and someone outside of the family maybe able to help as they are not as emotionally involved which sometimes clouds practical judgement
How Parents can help
It can be is important to remain communicative, open and receptive to your child. Genuine trust and respect are mutual and these are vital to maintain when things are difficult and your child is feeling the pressure. Be supportive and let them know that you are there for them by speaking to them and offering them the reassurance of you dependability. Display your dependability by not letting them down at important times and by sparing the time to listen when they need to talk.
A good diet and healthly lifestyle should be encouraged. CLICK HERE for our Nutrition & Fitness Pages
When specialist help is needed
If the depression is dragging on and causing serious difficulties, it's important to seek treatment. Your family doctor will be able to advise you about what help is available and to arrange a referral to the local child and adolescent mental health service.
Mild depression can successfully be treated with support and understanding. Those whose symptoms are severe and persistent, will respond better to a counselling based treatment called cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) where a young person is helped to understand their thoughts, feelings and behaviour
Severe depression may have to be treated with antidepressant medication in conjunction with CBT if it is not enough.
For more information here are some useful links
§ Mental Health Services
Back to previous page